I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
