Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
