mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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