my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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