first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
