I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
