Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
