i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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