No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
