My nipple is on Facebook.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
