ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
