shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
whose parrot is this?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
