Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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