Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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