your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
