I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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