I am midnight drunk by noon
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
