She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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