I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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