Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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