I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
