So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
