I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
