you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
