You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
