I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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