remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
