Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
