dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
