Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm like, not good at living.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize