I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
