Say something about gay babies.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
