I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Randomize
