before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
