I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
