Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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