Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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