So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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