woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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