mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
