I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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