Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Alive.
So much puke
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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