Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I love you. Go after that dick
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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