I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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