you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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