Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
