I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
