How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
