i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
