In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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