So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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